Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Birthday Reflections

So last week I celebrated my 24th birthday. I do have to say I'm still not 100% comfortable with the idea of being 24 but I couldn't really stop it either. Turning 24 just reminds me that I'm getting older. And getting older is really scary. No one prepares you for this point in your life. Sometimes I feel like a bird thrown out of the nest with no map or instruction booklet. It freaks me out. But I can say, I learned a lot during my 23rd year; about life and about myself.

When I turned 23, I had yet to know what true heartbreak felt like. I was about to find out. It sent me to a dark lonely place but I figured out how to get back from there. And if I hadn't had the heartbreak, I wouldn't have opened myself back up to love. On my 23rd birthday I didn't wish for love to find me but it did and I'm glad. 23 brought me love. I learned how to open myself up to another person completely, share my heart with them and allow them to share theirs with me. I am head over heels in a way that I wasn't before. In a way that I don't think I could have appreciated a year ago. But now I'm ready.

I already knew that I had a group of people I could count on whenever I needed them. Not just my family but the family I created. And this year proved very truly who those people are. I also learned that I can be a shitty friend and the people who really care won't care about the shitty times and focus on the good ones. I've realized that sometimes people come in and out of our lives when we don't expect it. And there is always a reason for that. Sometimes you grow apart and that's okay. Sometimes you grow closer together and that's okay too. Everyone has a time in your life but they can't have it all the time.

I've also decided that I'm going to use 24 as a fresh start. I will approach my mid-twenties with a new frame of mind. I must figure out the tools I need to create my own destiny. I will diligently work to achieve what I want from my life, even if it means supplying myself with the most basic levels of information to get to the next part of my life. I will no longer sit idly by and let my life pass me by.

Most importantly I learned with 23 and continue with 24 is to live my life with my heart and mind open. I will take each day as it comes and I will embrace every minute of my life for the ways it will teach me and change me. I will love with every fiber of my being and I will fight for what I believe in. And that is the only way to grow.

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