Thursday, May 15, 2008

Good Touch, Bad Touch

So, it's Senior Week. Basically, it's a time for all of us graduating/graduated people to get together and be together one last time before we're all really really adults. I should be out with my friends right now, but sadly, my fundage is dwindling fast and I need $$ for girl time tomorrow. So far, Senior Week has been fantastic. I've been able to spend time with friends new and old (yes, I would be the one who would manage to make friends the week before graduation) and have a wonderful time celebrating everything I have accomplished over four years.

The most interesting thing about this whole experience is seeing people that I haven't seen over time for various reasons. Or rather, seeing people I haven't wanted to see over the years for various reasons. The people I didn't want to see are what I call "Bad Life Decisions".

Bad Life Decisions = boys I hooked up with (I don't regret them though. I don't believe in regret) who may not have been the smartest choice or boys I almost hooked up with, or boys that liked me or boys that I liked. Okay, most of my bad life decisions are male. It's true. That's just the reality of life. But there are some girls thrown in there. Friendships that ended badly, people who screwed me over, you get it.

Good Life Decisions = people I'm friends with now. People who love me unconditionally for the person I am and the things we share. The people who are just amazing to be around and who make me infinitely happy.

Facing a lot of those bad life decisions have made me realize how much I've grown up over the past four years. I'm definitely not the same person I was when I started college. I don't think anyone ever is. I don't think I've completely figured out who I am either. But then again, I don't think we ever do honestly. Once you've completely figured yourself out, you die. Well, maybe not but I feel that throughout life you're constantly learning about yourself. So yeah. I've changed. Good or bad, who cares? I like the me I am now. Even though I liked the me I was then. Each of those bad life decisions taught me something more about who I am.

I definitely would not make some of the mistakes I made throughout college now. But that's mainly because I learned from them when I made them before. I feel like I better know the difference between a hook-up and a relationship, and between a friend and an acquaintance. I can now assess a situation at the beginning for what it's going to be and not for what it could be.

I've also learned how to find the people who are going to be there for you no matter what. Seeing some of my friends for the first time in four months, it feels like I saw them last week, except we keep saying "I've missed you so much!". The people I'm friends with now accept me for who I am and only pass friendly, teasing judgment that is not meant to be taken seriously. They are people I can trust to not turn on me when the times get tough and to stick it out and wait for the storm to pass. I feel like I re-learn this every few years because as you get older and become the person you're supposed to become, you realize how the people in your life have to reflect those changes. Well, not all of them of course. It's those people who are a dime a dozen, a diamond in the rough even (I love rolling off with cliches when I talk. I amuse myself). Those are the best life decisions.