Who Am I?

Hello again kind readers! Its been awhile since I last wrote. Well a lot has gone on and I'll write another post about that soon but really I have a specific thought process today.

Kay so I was listening to one of my favorite new-ish albums, Taylor Swift's 'Fearless'. I love love love Taylor and I was super excited that I finally got the cd because I've wanted it forever. One of the songs has really just got me thinking lately and so I figured why not come think out loud on the blog? So the song is called 'Fifteen'. If anyone watched the Grammy's Taylor sang it with Miley Cyrus. That's when I fell in love with the song because the lyrics really made me think back to what my life was like back then. I've recently spent a lot of time reminicising with one of my best friends from high school about the good ole' days. For me, the age of fifteen was the end of freshman year and the beginning of sophomore year. Fifteen was an interesting age.

At the end of freshman year I had a HUGE crush on a boy who was a senior. He was like the BMOC type and everyone loved him. We were friends and we still are friends and like way after the fact, he told me that he had a crush on me back then but it wouldn't have worked out. He was getting ready for college and I was a big dork with a penchant for platform shoes despite being like 5'9". But I thought I was really cool. I had a great group of friends and nobody was teasing me in the malicious way they had when I was younger.

Back to the song. I feel like a lot of the stuff Taylor talks about in the song are still totally relevant to me at the age I am now. Even more so now I think and that's what she's saying in the song I guess. But listening to it made me think so much. Here comes the lyrics! Not the whole song, but the lines I find relevant with my analysis.

"Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them." <--- the beginning to the chorus. This is true at that age of course. I wouldn't really know because there weren't any boys telling me that at fifteen...hell there aren't any boys telling me that now. And while that lyric is true of being a teen, isn't that true of love at any age? I mean I feel like it's more true of love in your 20s, 30s, whatever. Because who really knows what love is at fifteen? But when you're older and you think you've figured it out, aren't you more prone to believe someone when they tell you they love you? Because you know what love is? And also aren't you usually willing to believe someone loves you because you want them to love you?

"And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out..." Well hell, I thought I knew everything when I was a teenager. It wasn't until I turned like 21 that I realized I knew absolutely NOTHING. This is truth friends. When you're a teenager you're so sure of everything and no one can tell you anything different. I mean I thought I had the world all figured out. Of course it wasn't until I actually got out into the world that I realized nothing was as I thought it was.

"When all you wanted was to be wanted, wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now" heck yeah! I mean, I still want a guy to want to be with me but if I could go back and tell myself then that there are a million more important things than getting a boy to like you, I probably would. Even though I kind of liked how I was so innocent that the biggest problem of my life was getting a guy to like me. It was kind of nice to live my life where that was the biggest problem.

And the final one is: "I've found that time can heal most anything and you just might find who you're supposed to be. I didn't know who I was supposed to be...at fifteen" this is pretty close to the end. And I think it is probably the part of the song that speaks to me most. It took me a long time to get over things that happened in high school. Most recently and most importantly, a very good friendship. My best friend in high school and I had a HUGE fight that looking back was so silly and we didn't speak for four years. Now it's like nothing ever happened but I wished she would have been there for some of the big things that happened to me during college. I don't think I know who I'm supposed to be just yet but I think I'm working on it. I know more about myself now at 22 than I knew about myself back then, that's for sure. But I think you have to have some life experience to figure out who you are that I just didn't have at fifteen. I was sheltered and taken care of and there were a lot of things that I didn't have to worry about that I do now.

And so now you know how I feel about that.