There are few songs that I can associate with a certain place. Of course I can associate songs with a certain time of my life but a certain place is a little harder. One of the places I most associate with music is California. I lived there for 4 months in the fall of 2007. I listened to a lot of music; in the car driving with my girlfriends and mainly in the various bars and clubs that we went to on the weekends. There are a few songs that come to mind when I think of my time in California but if I had to pick just one it would probably be Britney Spears. This was the time she was making her comeback and so the song got played everywhere! We listened to it a lot while we got ready, in the car, in the club and on the way home. I also remember watching the VMA performance in disbelief but hey, everyone has their bad times.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Thursday, October 8, 2009
The Power of Friendship
Today I spent a lovely afternoon with two of my best friends. These two ladies, Christine and Amanda have been my best friends my whole life. I'm not even kidding. Each of us is approximately nine months apart in age. We like to say that we were born for each other.
Over the years we haven't always been in touch or seen each other on a regular basis but it has never changed the amount of love that we have for each other. These were the two people who taught me how to be a friend and its just so wonderful to be able to still have that continuing bond. Each of our lives have taken many interesting turns...Christine is married with two kids, Amanda just got engaged and lives in Connecticut and me? Well I'm still very single but I'm not bitter. I support my girls no matter what. The coolest thing to me is that despite the fact that we are three completely different people with completely different lives, it doesn't seem to have changed our friendship. Sure, it means that we don't get the time to talk as much as we'd like but we will always pick up like no time has passed at all.
Today was the first time the three of us have really spent time together since we were all teenagers. It was so great to be able to be together and talk about how much things have changed but we're still the same three people in our core. We love talking about our younger days and all the silly things we did and said and we talk about our lives now and how weird it is that we're all adults now. Amanda was hilariously overwhelmed by Christine's two young sons while I just got down on the floor and played with the little guys.
Honestly I think the most interesting and important about our friendship is that regardless of anything...time, distance, growing up, etc. we still really want to be a part of each others' lives. I have other close friends who i don't get to spend much time with that I felt like I've grown apart from considerably. Mainly because they want me to be a part of their life when they want. And we let our growing up and choosing other paths change things. I was one of the first people Christine told when she got pregnant with her younger son Christopher and I was her witness when she got married. I was one of the first people Amanda called when she got engaged. And when these things happen to me they'll be the first people I call. We're there to support each other no matter what. We three are the true definition of from cradle to grave.
And I realize that not everyone is lucky enough to have a friendship like ours. I consider those two girls my sisters and I know they feel the same about me. Its a really beautiful thing.
Over the years we haven't always been in touch or seen each other on a regular basis but it has never changed the amount of love that we have for each other. These were the two people who taught me how to be a friend and its just so wonderful to be able to still have that continuing bond. Each of our lives have taken many interesting turns...Christine is married with two kids, Amanda just got engaged and lives in Connecticut and me? Well I'm still very single but I'm not bitter. I support my girls no matter what. The coolest thing to me is that despite the fact that we are three completely different people with completely different lives, it doesn't seem to have changed our friendship. Sure, it means that we don't get the time to talk as much as we'd like but we will always pick up like no time has passed at all.
Today was the first time the three of us have really spent time together since we were all teenagers. It was so great to be able to be together and talk about how much things have changed but we're still the same three people in our core. We love talking about our younger days and all the silly things we did and said and we talk about our lives now and how weird it is that we're all adults now. Amanda was hilariously overwhelmed by Christine's two young sons while I just got down on the floor and played with the little guys.
Honestly I think the most interesting and important about our friendship is that regardless of anything...time, distance, growing up, etc. we still really want to be a part of each others' lives. I have other close friends who i don't get to spend much time with that I felt like I've grown apart from considerably. Mainly because they want me to be a part of their life when they want. And we let our growing up and choosing other paths change things. I was one of the first people Christine told when she got pregnant with her younger son Christopher and I was her witness when she got married. I was one of the first people Amanda called when she got engaged. And when these things happen to me they'll be the first people I call. We're there to support each other no matter what. We three are the true definition of from cradle to grave.
And I realize that not everyone is lucky enough to have a friendship like ours. I consider those two girls my sisters and I know they feel the same about me. Its a really beautiful thing.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Where is Your Heart?
Hello world and thank you Kelly Clarkson for providing me with an easy title. So, here's the new blog! My first request too!! Even though I'm sure this is something I would have written about sooner or later...love. Oh yes, I'm going there. Its time kiddos. It's a new year and time for a new perspective on life yes? Kay, well here goes.
My good friend asked me to write a blog about "love, heartache and pain." Hello! Three words I'm very familiar with. So I put on the Kelly Clarkson (who is also very familiar with these three words) and I'm getting to work.
Now, I'm my very humbled and honest opinion, you can't have good true love without heartache and pain first. I mean, how will you be able to appreciate the good stuff without the bad stuff right? I know this much from experience. Hell, who doesn't? Half of the conversations I have with my girlfriends is about men. The men we love, the men we used to love, the ones we could have loved, the ones we spurned, the ones who spurned us...you get the picture. As singer Willa Ford so brilliantly said "Fuck the men, let's drink to us!" It is so amazing that so much of our lives as women can be marked by the men that were apart of it. 'Sex and the City' is one of my favorite shows and Carrie Bradshaw's life on the show is really marked by her three big relationships: Big, Aiden and the Russian. You know what? I think I'm going to ease into this thrilling look at love by talking about my favorite show.
'Sex and the City' is practically a woman's guide. A handbook for life and love in New York City some may say. I mean, I definitely know a lot of girls who look at their lives through the lens of Carrie and Co. Hell, I do it all the time! First, Carrie has Mr. Big. Big never really goes away though does he? I know the feeling Carrie. The Mr. Big type is the guy who keeps ripping your heart out, pounding it flat with a meat cleaver and handing it back to you. And while you know that he's toxic and no good for you; you also know that he's your destiny so you keep going back for another pounding. Mr. Big serves Carrie her heart on a tray more times than we can keep track of. Calling her his "friend" in front of his mother, not being able to ever tell her she's "The One", marrying the idiot stick figure with no soul (the much younger Natasha), the affair, showing up just as Carrie thinks her life is finally going the way she wants it to (pre-Paris), coming to her rescue, leaving her at the altar (if you haven't seen the movie by now, what the hell are you waiting for?!) and then finally he manages to sit right and fly straight. Should Carrie have stuck around for all of that? No. But she did because Mr. Big was her destiny. But it proves that you have to deal with the bad to get to the good.
I have plenty of girlfriends who have man problems. I mean, what woman doesn't right? But sitting around and talking about it (usually over food or coffee or both) is the only way we can deal with and work through our issues. Now I've heard some seriously cringe worthy stories from my girls. The crazy stalker who called 6 times a day and showed up at my friend's house only to get chased away by her family; the alcoholic drug addict who caused a scene at my friend's place of work, the straight boy who acts gayer than any gay we've ever met (seriously), or better yet, the guy you think is the love of your life who turns out to be gay, the mixed message sender, the commitment phobe, and a sordid amount of other tales that would be pages and pages to tell. My personal favorite is the guy who tells you he loves you but you can't be together so he dates some wholly inappropriate girl (one with some nasal issues) or someone who has something in common with you (like your knack with the sarcastic comments, your wit when armed with a pen or your love for the stage) in a backward, lame attempt to get over you and/or make you ridiculously jealous. This last issue I can speak of from personal experience.
Now the reason I think my friend asked me to write about this subject is because she is dealing with separation anxiety. She is forced to be away from her boyfriend who she cares about more than she'll let on for longer than she'd like and it's killing her. Hence the pain and heartache part of love. It sucks to be apart from the person you love, no matter what the circumstances are for your separation. When you're forced to be away from your love, you don't really feel completely whole. It always feels like something is gnawing away at your insides and you just can't get it to stop. There is a constant dull pain deep down inside of you that no amount of social interaction, chocolate or booze will ever dull. It is truly one of the most unbearable feelings in the world. And yet when you can't change it, you are forced to deal with it. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place; there is no happy alternative. It's really just a matter of how long you can stick it out whether it be six months or three years. Again, this I know for personal experience.
The thing is when you begin to picture your life without that person and you can't. I had a friend who said that she knows the man who is her soulmate because there have been times when she's literally wanted to kill him but then in the next moment couldn't imagine her life without him. I had to say that I totally agreed with this statement. Or in a less extreme situation, when you can just imagine being with someone for a long time. Maybe not forever, but for the forseeable future. What do you do when that person is suddenly not there anymore? If it's time, or distance or circumstance that keeps that person away, their absence throws you into a tailspin of how to suddenly deal with your life and where they fit into it. You know that no matter what the circumstance, you aren't giving them up without a fight. Its hard because there will be mornings where you will wake up and ask yourself: "what the hell are you thinking by sticking around?" but others where you can't imagine being any other place, no matter how much it's killing you.
Please let me tell you, it will kill you. That pang you feel in your heart every time you think about him, that incurable dull ache, the dreams that haunt you at night, the moments where you can't stop smiling...its all going to get to you after awhile. The only thing I can say from experience is that it will get easier. You'll learn how to handle the good feelings and the bad. Or if you can't be with him, you'll learn how to get over being without him. You'll still love him of course but you'll be able to keep the thoughts from haunting you and making you want to rip all of the hair out of your head. You'll be able to look at him clearly an objectively again and tell him when he's done something that makes you happy or unhappy. It all comes with time.
And if it doesn't work out and you are forced to sit and put back together the pieces of your broken heart, you can do what another friend used to do. Picture all of your exes singing *NSYNC's "I Want You Back" to you. It will definitely induce a good chuckle.
But I leave you with these last thoughts. Remember, what's meant to be will be and if it wasn't, its because there's something better out there. Love takes time but you can't have great love without great heartbreak, heartache and pain.
My good friend asked me to write a blog about "love, heartache and pain." Hello! Three words I'm very familiar with. So I put on the Kelly Clarkson (who is also very familiar with these three words) and I'm getting to work.
Now, I'm my very humbled and honest opinion, you can't have good true love without heartache and pain first. I mean, how will you be able to appreciate the good stuff without the bad stuff right? I know this much from experience. Hell, who doesn't? Half of the conversations I have with my girlfriends is about men. The men we love, the men we used to love, the ones we could have loved, the ones we spurned, the ones who spurned us...you get the picture. As singer Willa Ford so brilliantly said "Fuck the men, let's drink to us!" It is so amazing that so much of our lives as women can be marked by the men that were apart of it. 'Sex and the City' is one of my favorite shows and Carrie Bradshaw's life on the show is really marked by her three big relationships: Big, Aiden and the Russian. You know what? I think I'm going to ease into this thrilling look at love by talking about my favorite show.
'Sex and the City' is practically a woman's guide. A handbook for life and love in New York City some may say. I mean, I definitely know a lot of girls who look at their lives through the lens of Carrie and Co. Hell, I do it all the time! First, Carrie has Mr. Big. Big never really goes away though does he? I know the feeling Carrie. The Mr. Big type is the guy who keeps ripping your heart out, pounding it flat with a meat cleaver and handing it back to you. And while you know that he's toxic and no good for you; you also know that he's your destiny so you keep going back for another pounding. Mr. Big serves Carrie her heart on a tray more times than we can keep track of. Calling her his "friend" in front of his mother, not being able to ever tell her she's "The One", marrying the idiot stick figure with no soul (the much younger Natasha), the affair, showing up just as Carrie thinks her life is finally going the way she wants it to (pre-Paris), coming to her rescue, leaving her at the altar (if you haven't seen the movie by now, what the hell are you waiting for?!) and then finally he manages to sit right and fly straight. Should Carrie have stuck around for all of that? No. But she did because Mr. Big was her destiny. But it proves that you have to deal with the bad to get to the good.
I have plenty of girlfriends who have man problems. I mean, what woman doesn't right? But sitting around and talking about it (usually over food or coffee or both) is the only way we can deal with and work through our issues. Now I've heard some seriously cringe worthy stories from my girls. The crazy stalker who called 6 times a day and showed up at my friend's house only to get chased away by her family; the alcoholic drug addict who caused a scene at my friend's place of work, the straight boy who acts gayer than any gay we've ever met (seriously), or better yet, the guy you think is the love of your life who turns out to be gay, the mixed message sender, the commitment phobe, and a sordid amount of other tales that would be pages and pages to tell. My personal favorite is the guy who tells you he loves you but you can't be together so he dates some wholly inappropriate girl (one with some nasal issues) or someone who has something in common with you (like your knack with the sarcastic comments, your wit when armed with a pen or your love for the stage) in a backward, lame attempt to get over you and/or make you ridiculously jealous. This last issue I can speak of from personal experience.
Now the reason I think my friend asked me to write about this subject is because she is dealing with separation anxiety. She is forced to be away from her boyfriend who she cares about more than she'll let on for longer than she'd like and it's killing her. Hence the pain and heartache part of love. It sucks to be apart from the person you love, no matter what the circumstances are for your separation. When you're forced to be away from your love, you don't really feel completely whole. It always feels like something is gnawing away at your insides and you just can't get it to stop. There is a constant dull pain deep down inside of you that no amount of social interaction, chocolate or booze will ever dull. It is truly one of the most unbearable feelings in the world. And yet when you can't change it, you are forced to deal with it. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place; there is no happy alternative. It's really just a matter of how long you can stick it out whether it be six months or three years. Again, this I know for personal experience.
The thing is when you begin to picture your life without that person and you can't. I had a friend who said that she knows the man who is her soulmate because there have been times when she's literally wanted to kill him but then in the next moment couldn't imagine her life without him. I had to say that I totally agreed with this statement. Or in a less extreme situation, when you can just imagine being with someone for a long time. Maybe not forever, but for the forseeable future. What do you do when that person is suddenly not there anymore? If it's time, or distance or circumstance that keeps that person away, their absence throws you into a tailspin of how to suddenly deal with your life and where they fit into it. You know that no matter what the circumstance, you aren't giving them up without a fight. Its hard because there will be mornings where you will wake up and ask yourself: "what the hell are you thinking by sticking around?" but others where you can't imagine being any other place, no matter how much it's killing you.
Please let me tell you, it will kill you. That pang you feel in your heart every time you think about him, that incurable dull ache, the dreams that haunt you at night, the moments where you can't stop smiling...its all going to get to you after awhile. The only thing I can say from experience is that it will get easier. You'll learn how to handle the good feelings and the bad. Or if you can't be with him, you'll learn how to get over being without him. You'll still love him of course but you'll be able to keep the thoughts from haunting you and making you want to rip all of the hair out of your head. You'll be able to look at him clearly an objectively again and tell him when he's done something that makes you happy or unhappy. It all comes with time.
And if it doesn't work out and you are forced to sit and put back together the pieces of your broken heart, you can do what another friend used to do. Picture all of your exes singing *NSYNC's "I Want You Back" to you. It will definitely induce a good chuckle.
But I leave you with these last thoughts. Remember, what's meant to be will be and if it wasn't, its because there's something better out there. Love takes time but you can't have great love without great heartbreak, heartache and pain.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Good Touch, Bad Touch
So, it's Senior Week. Basically, it's a time for all of us graduating/graduated people to get together and be together one last time before we're all really really adults. I should be out with my friends right now, but sadly, my fundage is dwindling fast and I need $$ for girl time tomorrow. So far, Senior Week has been fantastic. I've been able to spend time with friends new and old (yes, I would be the one who would manage to make friends the week before graduation) and have a wonderful time celebrating everything I have accomplished over four years.
The most interesting thing about this whole experience is seeing people that I haven't seen over time for various reasons. Or rather, seeing people I haven't wanted to see over the years for various reasons. The people I didn't want to see are what I call "Bad Life Decisions".
Bad Life Decisions = boys I hooked up with (I don't regret them though. I don't believe in regret) who may not have been the smartest choice or boys I almost hooked up with, or boys that liked me or boys that I liked. Okay, most of my bad life decisions are male. It's true. That's just the reality of life. But there are some girls thrown in there. Friendships that ended badly, people who screwed me over, you get it.
Good Life Decisions = people I'm friends with now. People who love me unconditionally for the person I am and the things we share. The people who are just amazing to be around and who make me infinitely happy.
Facing a lot of those bad life decisions have made me realize how much I've grown up over the past four years. I'm definitely not the same person I was when I started college. I don't think anyone ever is. I don't think I've completely figured out who I am either. But then again, I don't think we ever do honestly. Once you've completely figured yourself out, you die. Well, maybe not but I feel that throughout life you're constantly learning about yourself. So yeah. I've changed. Good or bad, who cares? I like the me I am now. Even though I liked the me I was then. Each of those bad life decisions taught me something more about who I am.
I definitely would not make some of the mistakes I made throughout college now. But that's mainly because I learned from them when I made them before. I feel like I better know the difference between a hook-up and a relationship, and between a friend and an acquaintance. I can now assess a situation at the beginning for what it's going to be and not for what it could be.
I've also learned how to find the people who are going to be there for you no matter what. Seeing some of my friends for the first time in four months, it feels like I saw them last week, except we keep saying "I've missed you so much!". The people I'm friends with now accept me for who I am and only pass friendly, teasing judgment that is not meant to be taken seriously. They are people I can trust to not turn on me when the times get tough and to stick it out and wait for the storm to pass. I feel like I re-learn this every few years because as you get older and become the person you're supposed to become, you realize how the people in your life have to reflect those changes. Well, not all of them of course. It's those people who are a dime a dozen, a diamond in the rough even (I love rolling off with cliches when I talk. I amuse myself). Those are the best life decisions.
The most interesting thing about this whole experience is seeing people that I haven't seen over time for various reasons. Or rather, seeing people I haven't wanted to see over the years for various reasons. The people I didn't want to see are what I call "Bad Life Decisions".
Bad Life Decisions = boys I hooked up with (I don't regret them though. I don't believe in regret) who may not have been the smartest choice or boys I almost hooked up with, or boys that liked me or boys that I liked. Okay, most of my bad life decisions are male. It's true. That's just the reality of life. But there are some girls thrown in there. Friendships that ended badly, people who screwed me over, you get it.
Good Life Decisions = people I'm friends with now. People who love me unconditionally for the person I am and the things we share. The people who are just amazing to be around and who make me infinitely happy.
Facing a lot of those bad life decisions have made me realize how much I've grown up over the past four years. I'm definitely not the same person I was when I started college. I don't think anyone ever is. I don't think I've completely figured out who I am either. But then again, I don't think we ever do honestly. Once you've completely figured yourself out, you die. Well, maybe not but I feel that throughout life you're constantly learning about yourself. So yeah. I've changed. Good or bad, who cares? I like the me I am now. Even though I liked the me I was then. Each of those bad life decisions taught me something more about who I am.
I definitely would not make some of the mistakes I made throughout college now. But that's mainly because I learned from them when I made them before. I feel like I better know the difference between a hook-up and a relationship, and between a friend and an acquaintance. I can now assess a situation at the beginning for what it's going to be and not for what it could be.
I've also learned how to find the people who are going to be there for you no matter what. Seeing some of my friends for the first time in four months, it feels like I saw them last week, except we keep saying "I've missed you so much!". The people I'm friends with now accept me for who I am and only pass friendly, teasing judgment that is not meant to be taken seriously. They are people I can trust to not turn on me when the times get tough and to stick it out and wait for the storm to pass. I feel like I re-learn this every few years because as you get older and become the person you're supposed to become, you realize how the people in your life have to reflect those changes. Well, not all of them of course. It's those people who are a dime a dozen, a diamond in the rough even (I love rolling off with cliches when I talk. I amuse myself). Those are the best life decisions.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Friends are thicker than blood...
So, today I got some slightly unsettling news. One of my best friends is moving incredibly far away from me. That got me to thinking, how big of a part do your friendships really play in your life?
I mean, okay. Obviously close friends play a huge part in one's life. I know mine do. (Here's where I get deeply personal for the first time on this blog)
So I have 4 truly best friends. We're not like a big group like on Sex and the City (though that is an influence) or like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants or anything. In fact, some of my best friends have never even met each other. I feel like each one of the represents a different phase in my life.
My best friend Christine and I have been best friends for let's see...about 22 years now. Christine is my oldest and dearest friend for sure. Seeing as how we're about one gestation period apart, we like to joke that I was born to be her best friend. Though our friendship hasn't always been consistent, we're still incredibly close and now matter how long it is that we don't see each other, or how long we don't speak, it's like time has never past when we do finally see each other again. Next would be my best friend Dana, who's been my best friend for almost 10 years now. (our 10 year "friendiversary" is coming up this august.) Now, there have been other "best" friends between Christine and Dana but obviously no one stuck for various and assorted reasons. Dana and I have known each other our whole lives, (our families were friends) but we didn't really become close until the era of the boy band, when we found a common love for Hanson, the Backstreet Boys and *NSync. We've been pretty much attached ever since. Again, I don't see Dana that often due to extenuating life circumstances, but we're still super best buds. After Dana would be Jessica, who has been my best friend (on and off) since high school. We've had our ups and downs but she has been there for me through a lot so I'm grateful to have her. I don't know I would have gotten through the end of high school without her honestly. After Jess is Linda, who has been a friend since like this time three years ago but has become a best friend in the past year. We lived together last semester while we were in LA and to say that we've gotten close is kind of an understatement. I had separation anxiety over Christmas break without her and we were only apart for a month. There is one best friend that I almost forgot, Stephanie, who became one of my best friends last semester in LA. We've become very close very quickly and she is an invaluable part of my life now.
So, I have these 5 fabulous friends who mean the world to me to say the least. I don't remember my life before these girls came into it (okay, that's not totally true but it's for effect). They each give me something that the other's don't and that's what makes each relationship so special. None of us have 100% of everything in common and that's what keeps our friendships interesting. Without Linda, I wouldn't know the joys of Asian pop music, without Dana I would have one of the most special little people in my life, without Christine, I wouldn't have gotten through my senior year of high school, without Stephanie I wouldn't have gotten through LA and without Jess, well I wouldn't get through a lot of things. Each one of them brings so much to my life that I feel full of love and happiness. In them I really couldn't ask for more. But the question I always ask is, why them? And why at the time we met? What was I lacking that they managed to fill? I mean, some I guess are obvious. Linda was one of my assistant stage managers and therefore "in charge", Jess and I had indentical schedule and Stephanie had a car.
So, I think, what would I do if any of these girls suddenly wasn't there. How would I handle my life? Who would I run to if I had a boy problem, or needed some place to stay or just needed a little bit of girl time? Friends come and go but the ones that stay are there forever.
Recently, I had a friend who I thought fit into the above category, needless to say, I was wrong. The thing that make me wonder is why didn't things work out for us when she has been a part of the above group? I mean, I know the actual reason (long and complicated. if you want to know, I'll tell you privately) but why did that happen? Why did the fates at hand decide that no, we were not meant to be friends when we had thought for so long that we would be lifelong buds. Truly bffs? Maybe it was because the fates saw something I couldn't see. Maybe they knew that she didn't fit into the above category and she needed to be removed to make room for someone who could truly be there for me and bring something invaluable to my life. I do have to say that I am grateful to the fates for realigning those stars because I'm glad that it happened now rather than 10 years from now. That would be a severe let down. I mean, it already has been a severe let down But now I'm resilient. I can bounce back from the fall, brush my butt off and get back out there.
Another thing that has always been curious to me is how someone who you once called a "best friend" can go to merely a good friend just as quickly as they became a best. Part of me likes to think that what demotes one from best to good is a lack of communication over time that disintegrates the relationship. Like when you go from talking every day to maybe only talking once a month as you can notice the visable change it has on your conversations. I mean, I have friends who I used to be able to talk to for hours and now after ten minutes, it feels like there is nothing to say. Or I just don't talk to them anymore. The extent of our friendship is now being in each other's top friends on Myspace. What does that mean? How can you go from having everything to nothing to say? It is honestly bizarre.
It just makes me think about all of the best friends that have come and gone. Of course, when you're young, you don't always know what's best for you and you become friends with someone, not seeing them for who they really are. I mean, how could you at the age of eleven? What do you even know about that? I don't even talk to most of the same people I talked to when I was eleven. Hell, I barely talk to most of the same people I talked to when I was 20. I'll never understand what happens to make people decide that they no longer wish to be friends but it happens every day doesn't it?
Personally, I'd rather just stop talking to someone all together rather than pretend to be someone's friend knowing that is a reason I shouldn't be. I've seen people who will have a fight with a friend (a very serious one) and hate that friend with every fiber of their body only to be speaking to them again a few days later. I mean, what's the point of backpeddling on your feelings? If you're really hurt, that should be it. Maybe I say this because I don't always believe in second chances. I mean, Jess and I weren't speaking for quite a bit of time but there was a force bigger than us that pushed us back together. It's called space (in our case anyway). But I don't know, when a friend really hurts me, I can't imagine saying "sure, that's not a problem. even though I'm telling people I'll never talk to you again, I'll talk to you." If you're done, be done completely.
And I know that when things get hard, I can always pick up the phone or come to my computer and one of those girls will be there with a sympathetic ear, a good hug and maybe a bottle of wine. We'll laugh, we'll be angry, and we'll work our way through whatever the problem is. Life after college, school, parents, distance, boys, whatever it else it is that you talk about with your girlfriends. Those are the moments I'm most grateful in life for. Because in those moments, you see how amazing friends really are.
I mean, okay. Obviously close friends play a huge part in one's life. I know mine do. (Here's where I get deeply personal for the first time on this blog)
So I have 4 truly best friends. We're not like a big group like on Sex and the City (though that is an influence) or like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants or anything. In fact, some of my best friends have never even met each other. I feel like each one of the represents a different phase in my life.
My best friend Christine and I have been best friends for let's see...about 22 years now. Christine is my oldest and dearest friend for sure. Seeing as how we're about one gestation period apart, we like to joke that I was born to be her best friend. Though our friendship hasn't always been consistent, we're still incredibly close and now matter how long it is that we don't see each other, or how long we don't speak, it's like time has never past when we do finally see each other again. Next would be my best friend Dana, who's been my best friend for almost 10 years now. (our 10 year "friendiversary" is coming up this august.) Now, there have been other "best" friends between Christine and Dana but obviously no one stuck for various and assorted reasons. Dana and I have known each other our whole lives, (our families were friends) but we didn't really become close until the era of the boy band, when we found a common love for Hanson, the Backstreet Boys and *NSync. We've been pretty much attached ever since. Again, I don't see Dana that often due to extenuating life circumstances, but we're still super best buds. After Dana would be Jessica, who has been my best friend (on and off) since high school. We've had our ups and downs but she has been there for me through a lot so I'm grateful to have her. I don't know I would have gotten through the end of high school without her honestly. After Jess is Linda, who has been a friend since like this time three years ago but has become a best friend in the past year. We lived together last semester while we were in LA and to say that we've gotten close is kind of an understatement. I had separation anxiety over Christmas break without her and we were only apart for a month. There is one best friend that I almost forgot, Stephanie, who became one of my best friends last semester in LA. We've become very close very quickly and she is an invaluable part of my life now.
So, I have these 5 fabulous friends who mean the world to me to say the least. I don't remember my life before these girls came into it (okay, that's not totally true but it's for effect). They each give me something that the other's don't and that's what makes each relationship so special. None of us have 100% of everything in common and that's what keeps our friendships interesting. Without Linda, I wouldn't know the joys of Asian pop music, without Dana I would have one of the most special little people in my life, without Christine, I wouldn't have gotten through my senior year of high school, without Stephanie I wouldn't have gotten through LA and without Jess, well I wouldn't get through a lot of things. Each one of them brings so much to my life that I feel full of love and happiness. In them I really couldn't ask for more. But the question I always ask is, why them? And why at the time we met? What was I lacking that they managed to fill? I mean, some I guess are obvious. Linda was one of my assistant stage managers and therefore "in charge", Jess and I had indentical schedule and Stephanie had a car.
So, I think, what would I do if any of these girls suddenly wasn't there. How would I handle my life? Who would I run to if I had a boy problem, or needed some place to stay or just needed a little bit of girl time? Friends come and go but the ones that stay are there forever.
Recently, I had a friend who I thought fit into the above category, needless to say, I was wrong. The thing that make me wonder is why didn't things work out for us when she has been a part of the above group? I mean, I know the actual reason (long and complicated. if you want to know, I'll tell you privately) but why did that happen? Why did the fates at hand decide that no, we were not meant to be friends when we had thought for so long that we would be lifelong buds. Truly bffs? Maybe it was because the fates saw something I couldn't see. Maybe they knew that she didn't fit into the above category and she needed to be removed to make room for someone who could truly be there for me and bring something invaluable to my life. I do have to say that I am grateful to the fates for realigning those stars because I'm glad that it happened now rather than 10 years from now. That would be a severe let down. I mean, it already has been a severe let down But now I'm resilient. I can bounce back from the fall, brush my butt off and get back out there.
Another thing that has always been curious to me is how someone who you once called a "best friend" can go to merely a good friend just as quickly as they became a best. Part of me likes to think that what demotes one from best to good is a lack of communication over time that disintegrates the relationship. Like when you go from talking every day to maybe only talking once a month as you can notice the visable change it has on your conversations. I mean, I have friends who I used to be able to talk to for hours and now after ten minutes, it feels like there is nothing to say. Or I just don't talk to them anymore. The extent of our friendship is now being in each other's top friends on Myspace. What does that mean? How can you go from having everything to nothing to say? It is honestly bizarre.
It just makes me think about all of the best friends that have come and gone. Of course, when you're young, you don't always know what's best for you and you become friends with someone, not seeing them for who they really are. I mean, how could you at the age of eleven? What do you even know about that? I don't even talk to most of the same people I talked to when I was eleven. Hell, I barely talk to most of the same people I talked to when I was 20. I'll never understand what happens to make people decide that they no longer wish to be friends but it happens every day doesn't it?
Personally, I'd rather just stop talking to someone all together rather than pretend to be someone's friend knowing that is a reason I shouldn't be. I've seen people who will have a fight with a friend (a very serious one) and hate that friend with every fiber of their body only to be speaking to them again a few days later. I mean, what's the point of backpeddling on your feelings? If you're really hurt, that should be it. Maybe I say this because I don't always believe in second chances. I mean, Jess and I weren't speaking for quite a bit of time but there was a force bigger than us that pushed us back together. It's called space (in our case anyway). But I don't know, when a friend really hurts me, I can't imagine saying "sure, that's not a problem. even though I'm telling people I'll never talk to you again, I'll talk to you." If you're done, be done completely.
And I know that when things get hard, I can always pick up the phone or come to my computer and one of those girls will be there with a sympathetic ear, a good hug and maybe a bottle of wine. We'll laugh, we'll be angry, and we'll work our way through whatever the problem is. Life after college, school, parents, distance, boys, whatever it else it is that you talk about with your girlfriends. Those are the moments I'm most grateful in life for. Because in those moments, you see how amazing friends really are.
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