Okay, so that title is from a kids television show called Ni Hao Kai-Lan (do not judge me; I watched it a lot when I was a nanny). But I feel like it applies very well to the current life situation I've found myself in.
For anyone who actually knows me, you've probably figured out what's making me so happy. For those who don't know, I have a boyfriend. My first for reals, actually committed, big girl relationship. I've never had a boyfriend ever in my twenty three years of existence. But now I do and frankly, I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to try not to be too mushy but sometimes I honestly can't help it. I am so ridiculously happy that sometimes I have to pinch myself just to make sure I'm not dreaming. I know I sound super cheesy but I'm sure it'll wear off eventually. It's just so bizarre to me. Sure I've liked plenty of guys in the past but this is so very different than any experience I've ever had. I've finally figured out what people have told me about really liking someone and actually making a commitment to be with them.
Now, I am definitely one of the most cynical people I know, especially when it comes to men and relationships. I think it's because I've been burned so many times; I just put up a defensive wall instead of actually being open to a relationship. They say timing is everything though. After the situation I went through a couple months ago, I didn't think that I was ready to let anyone into my heart but I guess I was! And boy am I glad because I am seriously just one big ball of excitement, even when I'm mad, I'm still happy deep down inside. It really amazes me that one person can make me so infinitely full of joy. I need to stop saying the word happy lol. My joy is really just overwhelming sometimes; I didn't think I was capable of such things. But really I just think that more than anything, it's not actually having a boyfriend that's making me so happy, its the actual person.
I've always believed that when you find the right person for you it'll be as clear as day. Something just changes. When I was in college, I would dress and act a certain way when I knew I was going to see the guy I liked. Sure, it got his attention and it worked, but I always felt that I had to act a certain way after that. When I met Jon (that's my boyfriend's name for those who don't know), I was totally myself. I didn't really care much about impressing him, mainly because I wasn't really looking for a boyfriend (it's really true. you just have to be open and let these things come to you). We really just became good friends who enjoyed spending time with each other. I can honestly say that I don't remember when I started liking him, but it wasn't long after we met. Every story I told mentioned his name at least once. That's usually a good indicator of how much you like someone right? But for a really long time I had no idea if he liked me or not. I mean sure we kinda flirted but I flirt with everybody. When I asked a friend's opinion, she pretty much told me I was an idiot for not noticing that he was obviously into me. (have I mentioned I am horrible at telling if a guy likes me or not?)
Of course, I was still unsure. I mean, just because my friends thought he liked me didn't actually mean he did right? It took awhile before I was really sure. It wasn't until he started texting me like every day. We would talk for hours on top of the hours we had already been talking to each other. And we'd talk about EVERYTHING that came to mind. For the first time probably ever, I was totally comfortable being myself. I never put on an act and dressed or talked a certain way. Even after I figured out that he probably liked me. He liked me even if I was a huge dork. He thinks all my little quirks are "interesting." He thinks I'm funny and cool and likes being around me. I don't think I've ever really liked a guy who genuinely thought I was cool. I don't really think I'm cool, but who am I to judge his taste? =P
I've always said that whatever guy likes me and wants to be with me must be crazy because of all of the ridiculous issues that I have. That an my neurotic tendencies. But they don't phase him. Whenever something comes up, we talk about it, he reassures me that it doesn't matter to him and then we move on. And I always feel better. I know that I can be 100% honest with him and it won't scare him off (he actually appreciates that I don't hide any of my feelings. I really did this to force him to tell me he liked me but hey, it's working so I'll stick with it). But why lie to someone you really care about? This is what I've learned about relationships, when you're open and honest about your feelings, you get the same thing back. If you hold back anything, you can expect the person you're with to do the same thing. To me, honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. No one is a mind reader and if you're afraid to tell the person you're with what you're thinking or feeling, how are they going to know.
Now, that's why I can say I'm the happiest I've ever been! I'm with someone who is happy to be with me too. We are kind of ridiculously cheesy most of the time but it's cute. We like to hold hands and I love when he kisses me on the forehead or gives me hugs. I'm finally like one of those couples that I used to make fun of walking down the street (okay I admit sometimes I still make fun of them but I can't help it!). I get butterflies when we kiss and nothing makes my day better than seeing him smile. I'm with a wonderful, amazing, smart, funny, cute guy who makes me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Who wouldn't be happy?
"the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." ~Juno~
